The USPS Add-on-Ad Program

The recent news that Charter Cable will be inserting and/or replacing web ads has over-shadowed a similar announcement by the US Postal Service:

Press Release
From: US Postmaster General
Title: Announcing the Add-on-Ad pilot program

Today the USPS announces the start of the Add-on-Ad pilot program to enhance the mail consumer's experience. Here's how it works for different types of mail:

For magazines, pages of locally targeted ads will be inserted - securely glued in place so they cannot be "accidentally" removed. In some cases, whole page ads in the original magazine will be torn out and replaced with a targeted ad page.

For example, your weekly Time magazine will have ten extra ad pages for local supermarkets, pizza shops and car dealerships. Ads will also be targeted based on the magazine content. For example, Consumer Reports magazine's Car Buyers issue will have ads inserted from the safest and most reliable car manufactures, such as GM and Hyundai.

For personal letters, tasteful ads and coupons will be glued in place based on the content of the letter. For example, seasonal greating cards will have appropriate store coupons added. Resumés and cover letters will now include Staples coupons and ads for cheap employee personality testing kits - items sure to please any HR person.

Postal consumers have no need to worry about their privacy. Personal letter will only be opened and read by robots (Of course, the robots will need maintenance and adjustment. Rest assured that our under-paid technicians would never read your personal mail while clearing paper jams, adjusting cameras, etc).

We are confident that this great new program will enhance the reading and shopping experience of every postal consumer.

In related news, the Newspaper Boys Association announced a new stick-on-ad trial in the Boston area....

Cheers - Chuck "It's a parody, so please don't sue me" Houpt